Sunday, June 20, 2004

Well, almost

Ian, I'm afraid I cant' say that I made it through the day without visiting the Internet. However, I can say that I did much, much better. Only chatted with one person, and that too for no longer than 10 minutes.
I am only here to write about the interview I just saw with President Clinton. He talked with Dan Rather and writes in his book about how he lived separate lives ... one that was public and one that was private. That's the life I'm living now. If it can happen to a president, it can happen to anyone.
I also am reading a book recommended by my therapist -- Maximum Self Esteem. I found so much to relate to there, so many things that point to the reasons I am allowing myself to be used by men looking for nothing more than a quick blow job. I read some stuff yesterday that she gave me about Internet addiction. It applies so much. Even though I was offline all this morning, I spent 40 minutes handwriting a note to M. that I thought I'll type tomorrow. One of the symptoms of addiction is feelings of severe restlessness and anxiousness when you are trying to break free. I felt all those things today. Continually thinking about being online and that I might be missing a conversation with someone I want to talk to. It really is truly a severe disorder. I never thought I'd be the victim of anything.

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