Well, I thought it would be a lot, lot longer before I ever came close to having a breakthrough with my husband, but today one came. We were laying on the bed talking and I began asking him questions from my Maximum Self Esteem book. It was sort of an assessment of one's self esteem. Actually, I was surprised by a couple of his answers and even more surprised that he shared them. As we talked, I turned the book over to him and asked him to assess what he thought my answers would be. I wasn't surprised to learn that he didn't really know the severity of my concerns. But I was surprised when I had the courage to tell him that I had told NP a couple of weeks ago that I was concerned that if I fixed all that was wrong with me, my marriage, or more specifically, my relationship with my husband would be over. I expected him to get mad, but he didn't. He just ask me why I said it and what I thought. I was able to explain to him that I currently feel that correcting myself is going to mean asking him to change and asking him to change for me is going to hurt him. I referred specificially to the need for affection and closeness. But as we talked it through I began to realize that one of the things that makes me crave and really need the affection is because I don't feel that I'm standing on my own two feet. I need the reassurance that I'm a viable human being and currently need that to come from someone else. As I grow stronger, I'm not going to be as desparately dependent upon it as I am now. I think I still need the affection and intimacy and somehow I need to learn to get that from my husband He brought up again that different people express these things in different ways. I do need some things that feel familiar as well. I feel good about the conversation.
These are my thoughts as I continue on this therapeutic journey through recovery from sex and love addiction, compulsive overeating and codependency, as well as the lifelong effects of childhood sexual abuse.
Click here to learn how I came into recovery.
PLEASE NOTE: This blog is not intended to represent anything but my own experience, strength, hope and struggles in recovery. I do not represent any particular fellowship or program of recovery. This is my journey and it is a very individual experience.