It's Friday ... I'll call it assessment day, since things went so well yesterday. Of course, you couldn't tell it from the tone of yesterday's entry ... but after that I did much, much better. There was absolutely no useless chat. I talked to Martin for about 40 minutes last night, but asked my husband to call me within 30 minutes. He didn't, but I still practiced self-control and got off the computer, went to the living room, read a magazine and then we watched Thomas Friedman's documentary on outsourcing jobs to India. At work I did do some useless web surfing and chatted just a bit with BV, but nothing major at all. I got lots of work done too. I made plans to spend time with friends for the next three weekends ... or at least I hope three. This weekend we'll go to Delaware, next, if they are available we'll see the other B. family, and the next we've been invited to go down to the shore. After work yesterday, we took a long walk around the complex, which was good, and for the most part avoiding fighting. We even talked some about counseling. I can tell that my husband is witholding judgment on the issue, but he said,"If you are fine with it, I'm fine with it."
Yesterday, Nancy wrote of the death of her father's mother. She wrote it in a tone of "The Wicked Witch is Dead." There was not a good relationship there at all. The anniversary of my mother's death is looming over me a bit. Around this time I begin to start thinking of it. It's been 11 years. When I think of how much life she gave to me in 11 years, and how much we grew and changed in 11 years, it's amazing to imagine her void for 11 years more.
But, it's Friday, and my goal is to get through the week with only the one encounter I had on Tuesday and to focus my attention on work today. I will likely chat with PRE, BV and possibly E. about work-related stuff, and maybe M. a little cause he's off work. But if I don't turn on the other account except for just a few minutes in the morning, I can avoid long discussion with E. which will be good, especially in the afternoon, which is when he tries to tempt me. (See, doing better, avoiding triggers.)
1 week ago