Friday, June 04, 2004

Getting Away With It

As I have considered this issue about a "pattern of hiding" in my life, I have also realized that one of the things that pattern has produced is an urge to do certain things because "I can get away with it." I think I may have written something about this in an earlier entry, or maybe to a friend. But this goes beyond my current situation of meeting men I've chatted with online. I realize that when I go to the grocery store alone, I almost always am at the very least tempted, and usually act on, buying something sweet -- often more than one thing sweet. And if I am alone at home I eat things that are not good for me ... all because I can "get away with it." I guess if you break that down, that means that somehow am still afraid of being ridiculed or punished. I'm not sure exactly where that comes from ... but it is definitely something to watch.

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