Just a note that I am feeling stronger this afternoon. I had a good conversation, face to face with a woman who has become my friend here at work. We discussed some of the negativities that we face here, and I felt good that some of my feelings about where I am working were reaffirmed by someone else, with a like mind. I also felt good that I could have a close conversation with another person and it was not online.
I couldn't help but sneak a peak to see if E. had left me a message on the other account. He had, it just said, "Rae, are u there?" I of course was and am tempted to say "yes." But I'm not going to. I said goodbye and it has to be goodbye. He and I have become more than just passing lovers, and there are things that I learned even today that I want to share with him, but I think in order to make this stand, I have to be strong.
I don't know how seriously J. took me this morning, but I feel strong that I told him goodbye for now.
There's still this issue of whether I will see M. tomorrow or not. I like this guy as a person, and think I will go and just see how I can handle myself. Maybe that's not wise, I'm not sure. I don't feel as uncertain about it this afternoon as I did this morning.
4 months ago