Monday, June 07, 2004

In the middle of the night

In response to M.'s question -- "What do you get out of it?" "It" being sharing brief interludes of passion, knowing that there is absolutely no desire for long-term committment.

The exploration of the human body is a tremendous experience for me, and the willingness to allow your body to be explored and pleasured in the process is a tremendous gesture of trust. Trust, appreciation, and willingness to be explored are all things that excite and pleasure me. These are intangibles, and the fulfillment may be hard to grasp. Because those are feelings, it may be even harder to grasp how I'm not left feeling cheated when there's nothing more ... nothing to hold on to, no "romantic" relationship so to speak. I can't lie and say it wouldn't be tremendously wonderful to have a relationship where there was something new every day and where trust, appreciation and willingness to explore and be explored was there. But that's not possible and it's certainly nowhere near where I am in life and not somewhere I'm headed at this stage. I'm married ... and plan to stay that way. There are pleasures I draw from my marriage; the ones I mentioned here not necessarily among them. Therefore, a temporary release of that tension becomes just as enjoyable for me as your temporary release does for you. It goes against everything we read in "the rule book," but it's how I feel.

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