Today is the first day I woke up and felt like I truly am fucked up. I have a pain in my gut and I just feel very disgusted. The fact that NP said she didn't want to read what I wrote in the blog has bothered me. She said that it was more important that I "tell" her what I'm feeling rather than write it out day by day and show her. She said we need to say whatever is on our minds to one another. But she also got pretty tough about the risks I am taking with these encounters. She asked me if it was going to take a major incident for me to stop. This morning I was trying to talk to my husband about a couple of the things we discussed and then I could see him getting impatient, wanting to rush me along, thinking that three sessions of therapy are going to solve all my problems. I don't feel good. And I'm not feeling good about breaking away from these guys, but feeling like that after this week, that's exactly what I have to do. I see NP on Monday and I think that is the point at which I'm going to gain my strength. Maybe I'll do it even before. Let me see.
These are my thoughts as I continue on this therapeutic journey through recovery from sex and love addiction, compulsive overeating and codependency, as well as the lifelong effects of childhood sexual abuse.
Click here to learn how I came into recovery.
PLEASE NOTE: This blog is not intended to represent anything but my own experience, strength, hope and struggles in recovery. I do not represent any particular fellowship or program of recovery. This is my journey and it is a very individual experience.