I wrote this as part of a letter to a person I've corresponded with in a support group for online addiction.
I'll say this about the men who have been with me -- they did think they were the only one or at least not one of 12. But not only that -- they have been living with their demons too. Some of it's loneliness -- and like me, the lonely wife (who by the way would focus on her husband if he would open up just a little or even be around, but we're working on that.), have gotten nothing but a sexual encounter from me. They don't leave any more happy than when they came.
Both E. and I are facing co-dependency issues, and are unfortunately drawn to each other because of that. He wants to control me, and I want to please him and be "worthy" of him. And as I fight this last leg of my journey to break through this addiction ... he is the trigger, he's the one that stops me from just cancelling my yahoo accounts and just going on. He's given me just enough hope that we are friends that can support one another, and just enough doubt that I can never survive on my own, that I can't break this habit. I see his trap, yet I fall right into it. Since his influence is gone for a week ... I think I'll be able to talk my way through it.
5 months ago