Sunday, July 11, 2004

A breakthrough like no other


Although I very much enjoyed today. one of your comments hit home especially after reading some of the stories below. You stated that you broke one of your rules in going to someones home. That also has been one of my rules. A hard rule. However when I read belows: " When our minds are occupied with too much wreckage of the past, too many problems and complexities and out of control passions then there is little room left in it for reasoning. This is why addicts make poor decisions a lot
of the time. Addicts blind themselves with their addiction and out of balance life." It made me realize that I am out of control just as you felt you were a week or two ago. We both need to break this pattern before both our lives and the lives of many others are in ruin..

I have been thinking about just how much I have and have to loose and that I know that what I am doing is not going to cure anything. and actually adds to my problems. For this reason you will hopefully not see me online for a while. I am going to take your approach and try to break free and concentrate on my much neglacted work of running two business. If I am successful it may be a few days to a week until I e-mail you. I trust that you will understand what and why I am doing this since it is the same reason that you needed to break this cycle of internet chat and incessant thoughts of sex.

Wish me the best in staying clear of the internet.


My response:


I'm both sorry and glad that you are feeling the absolute rock bottom feelings I was feeling a short time back. Sorry because I know how horrible and sickening those feelings are, and glad because it's the place you needed to come ... for you and for me. We have been enablers for each others addictions/obsessions.

There's a lot more to write, but I think it's best, if I let you be. You have to come to your own peace and find your own way. Just like I have to.

If you need a friend, someone who understands, and you think I can be that friend without causing you more harm, then call me. I will listen. I am not encouraging you to do that and I don't expect you to. I am simply letting you know I am willing to listen if you just feel that you need to express your feelings out loud. I am telling you clearly now, though, that I will never, ever hurt you or me the way we have hurt each other and ourselves thus far. I know you know what that means.

And one parting piece of advice if you're open to it. When I made my decision two weeks ago and before that two months ago to walk away, I felt this obligation to say "goodbye" to those I had chatted with. It was the wrong thing to do. Breaking free means breaking free, and I know that if you put your mind to it you can do it.

Best of luck, my friend. Stay strong.


No comments: