A woman shared today at a meeting how different her life was today than it was a year ago. Mine too, I thought! In fact, my life feels a lot different than it did just a couple of months ago. I think the antidepressants are helping, as is having a job and getting out of the house more.
But my attitude is also different and one of the things I attribute that to is I have recently started helping two other women in SLAA work their recovery programs. I was hesitant to do it at first. Given the fact that I always feel I am not good enough and also worried that I would be a hypocrite -- giving them all sorts of advice when I wasn't sticking to my own bottom lines -- I almost passed the opportunity up. But, I prayed about it, and decided to say yes. It really is making a difference in my life. In addition to wanting to continue my recovery, I also don't want to act out because I want to continue to help these two women.
Still, I think there's something even deeper going on ... I'm beginning to truly see what it means to turn my will and my life over to my Higher Power. My husband told me on Tuesday that he's going out of town for a few days in a couple of weeks. That happens to be the same time that one of my former acting out partners will be IN town and staying at a hotel just a five-minute drive away. You can imagine that my addict went into "party" mode at the thought of having three days to do nothing but run wild. But instead of picking up the phone first thing the next morning and calling that acting out partner, I asked God, "Please just help me not tell him today." And every day since then I've done the same thing. I haven't told him yet.
Tonight two of my girlfriends were supposed to come over for a get together. The weather was bad and we had to cancel, creating the perfect opportunity to reschedule for one of the night's my husband will be out of town. Then a service opportunity opened up for me in one of my fellowship programs for another night. So, God is taking care of me, I can see it and I'm acknowledging it.
5 months ago