Friday, February 01, 2008

The love we give away

I have been giving some thought about how difficult it is for we sex and love addicts, and co-dependents as well, to be alone with ourselves. As I shared yesterday, it's very painful for me to be present and alone with myself. I always try to find something outside myself to focus my attention on -- whether it is television, the computer or a book ... or in my disease fantasies or phone calls.

But this morning I had a thought ... one of those that comes to me in the way that God speaks to me rather "out of the blue." That thought was that maybe all this love that I've tried to "give away" in order to get someone to "make" me feel loved is really the love I'm trying to give to myself, but I simply don't know how.

The awareness of knowing that I am giving away something that I really need for myself is enough to help me begin to at least TRY to understand how I can give that love back to me. I know this may seem elementary ... but I think many of you can relate that it really is difficult to let go of the shame and guilt and learn to not only love who I am, but to give myself love.


Summer said...

That's a tough one.

Kellee said...

What an amazing awareness. It's given me much to think about.

I'm working hard right now on being ok with me. It's a daily challenge but I know I'll get there! Having the willingness to do the work is half the battle.

Mary P Jones (MPJ) said...

This is something I'm working on too -- my alone time isn't really alone and giving myself time with me would be a great gift. I'm not there yet though.

Sawblogger said...

Hi. I found your blog via Fight-of-Life. Regards your awareness - this is HUGE, I am personally didn't get it myself, I read it from books and it took time to understand, it still have to be undestood in full. Many people not realized it yet.

It is an Art to love myself. I had a fantasy: I lie in embrio position in a large white colored studio with high ceiling. Studio is empty.

This is my ultimate idea of love for myself. Maybe the book "You Can Heal Your Life" by Louise Hay can give an inspiration.