Still here …
5 years ago
Thursday, May 08, 2008
I'm angry
I want validation. I want attention. I want to feel loved. I don't want to want any of these things. I want to be able to get up in the morning and say, "These are the things that I need to be doing" and get busy doing them and not care about validation or attention or my concept of love. I just want to be happy with what I have.
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4 comments:
Rae,
I understand your anger and confusion. Feeling vulnerable makes us human, open, raw. This is a terrible risk if we've opened up to this type of honest feeling, only to have been taken advantage of. These scars don't heal so easily.
It's easy to resort back to old pseudo emotions of intimacy that feel intimate, but in reality are not. It's just a blanket. But you keep fighting the good fight. It's worth it. YOU are worth it.
A good friend recently told me that we know we are growing when it hurts like hell, and still we keep going.
Be the love that you want for yourself. Validate others in order to feel validated yourself. You get what I'm saying? Bring some attention to someone else's world, and you'll find the desire for attention satisfied in yours.
It's always in giving that we receive.
You are obviously strong and intelligent. Every post and every comment I've read of yours is filled with love and compassion. Your very nature to impart empathy and inspiration is a gift.
Blessings, Sweet Rae. My heart is with you.
I read something really interesting a short while ago. It was a statement that "anger requires a certain amount of self-esteem" in order to manifest. In essence, it's a defensive emotion mounted to defend the self. And we don't bother to defend something we don't value, because defense costs resources.
So in that respect, perhaps you are to be congratulated, on your anger. Not that you should aim to hold on to it, but that it's an indicator, of other things, a signpost along the road of your recovery. Your emerging self-esteem.
-TT
That good ole feeling your feelings part. There are times I really wish there was a fast forward button.
Rae,
I'm stopping by again to invite you over...
You are big part of my collection.
Hugs to you.
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