Friday, December 21, 2007

Realizations

As I sat last night with my two recovery friends, talking and working together on an art project, it was telling them of how very horrible I have felt (emotionally) over the past few weeks that made me realize I have to seek professional help for mental disease. I've never tried to deny my addictions, my codependency, my PTSD. But at some level I have always taken the diseases of my mind lighter and more manageable than the idea that I have a very serious problem that without treatment could steal my life forever.

I've never been one to run to medication or doctors to fix my problems. For the most part I mistrust the medical field. But doctors certainly are more trained to assess and treat mental illness than I am.

God helped me to see the severity of my brokeness through my friends last night. Jumbled around in the isolated confines of my mind, I could only feel hopeless. Brought to the light of day, I can feel hope.

I went to get my blood work done this morning that will allow me to increase my dosage of Effexor. At the same time blood was drawn to test for HIV/AIDS and for sugar and cholesterol issues. I followed that up with an Al-Anon meeting, lunch with my husband and then a call about a prospective job in a new field.

Now I'm going to take a nap and rest.

2 comments:

madalena said...

Rae,

Hey, it's x- from the slaa chatroom : ) I love your blog! I just started one, too.

That's great that you're trying meds - they really have the potential to help with depression and obsessions that contribute a lot to this addiction, I believe.

And I'm so sorry about what happened to you that you shared about in your last post. I totally relate to the not being able to put feelings into words sometimes, and think of answers to questions from therapists. But it's good the therapist is trying to get to the root of things. And that was so brave of you to be able to express that, both here and there. Talk to you later.
: ) --- x-/madalena

Madalena said...

Trying to get my link to my blog to show up....

x-/madalena