Thursday, May 17, 2007

The willingness

I sit here tonight, having just finished eating my portion ... meaning the portion I allotted to myself on my food plan, knowing that I have the opportunity and the need to go to a meeting. Which meeting do I go to? I've struggled with both OA and sex addiction issues lately. I went to a codependency meeting earlier in the day. Sometimes I think I am "hiding out in recovery" ... going to meetings, not getting much done.

I mean, after all, I am sitting her on my ass procrastinating. I know where the OA meeting is ... and would need to look up the SA meeting. I can go to both an OA and an SA meeting tomorrow.

What I really want is for my husband to come home and for us to have a great conversation and laugh and love one another. It was after 8 before he came home last night. I use this fact to beat myself up and to justify acting out in my sex and love addiction.

I had the chance to act out today ... and I didn't. I stopped it. I am thankful.

Anyway... I'm doing good about making "just for today lists" and I think except for kidding myself on a couple of them ... I did pretty good today.

I had a happy dream in the afternoon. I was with a friend and we were laughing and having a good time. I want to laugh and have a good time. I don't know what happened.

Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today.

Better get going. I'm going to the OA meeting. I'll do OA and SA tomorrow, God willing.

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