Today

R. called again today ... I didn't answer the phone. I know what he would say ... "How are you handling all this?" and apologize for hurting me. He left a message saying "I was just wanting to talk to you." Yeah, well not me.

I went and beat the shit of a rock today with a hammer and used the hammer on some crappy gift he gave me once -- a wooden bookmark that he bought me while he was flirting with some woman with a dog.

I'm not good at doing anger ... but I tried to get out as much as I could.

My sponsor in OA told me today that she had only agreed to be my temporary sponsor and I needed to look for someone else. I felt rejected ... but I'm just trying to focus on the fact that if God wanted this woman in my life he would have left her there.