This morning I woke up in a not so good place. I was arguing with God, feeling needy and depressed, starving for comfort and seeming to find it nowhere. I could see a day ripe for laying in bed all day or one filled with acting out in my food or sex addiction.
But I kept moving forward, I kept praying to find comfort within me, shared at an impromptu online meeting, was honest about my "need for comfort" feelings with my husband, expecting nothing in return, and responded when he said "Are you going to go for a walk," by going for a walk, rather than getting defensive.
When I got back from the walk, I was willing to make a call I had promised to a recovery friend and we simply talked about what was going on in her life and my share last night at a meeting. And she pulled out the following reading, without me ever saying a word about needing to find comfort. As she read, my prayers were answered. I share it with you in hopes that if you are having a rough day, you can remember that the love you need is there, and that prayers are answered -- our only part is to ask and be open.
May 16, Language of Letting Go
"I woke up this morning and I had a hard time for a while" said one recovering man. " Then I realize it was because I wasn't liking myself very much." Recovering people often say, "I just don't like myself. When will I start liking myself?"
The answer is: start now. We can learn to be gentle, loving and nurturing with ourselves. Of all the recovery behaviors we're striving to attain, loving ourselves may be the most difficult, and the most important. If we are habitually harsh and critical toward ourselves, learning to be gentle with ourselves may take dedicated effort.
But what a valuable venture!
By not liking ourselves, we may be perpetuating the discounting, neglect, or abuse we received in childhood from the important people in our lives. We didn't like what happened then, but find ourselves copying those who mistreated us by treating ourselves poorly.
We can stop the pattern. We can begin giving ourselves the loving respectful treatment we deserve.
Instead of criticizing ourselves, we can tell ourselves we performed well enough.
We can wake up in the morning and tell ourselves we deserve a good day.
We can make a committment to take good care of ourselves throughout the day.
We can recognize that we are deserving of love.
We can do loving things for ourselves.
We can love other people and let them love us.
People who truly love themselves do not become destructively self-centered. They do not abuse others. They do not stop growing and changing. People who love themselves well, learn to love others well too. They continually grow into healthier people, learning that their love was appropriately placed.
Today I will love myself. If I get caught in the old pattern of not liking myself, I will find a way to get out.
4 months ago