Tuesday, July 07, 2009

Land of the Lost

I feel lost. That's the best way to describe it. I feel caught somewhere between here and there and simply don't know what to do with myself.

Yes, life is good. I feel at peace after writing the letters to my stepfather. I had a great weekend with my husband and am looking forward to another one this weekend.

I have some good people in my life, but I am not certain I feel comfortable reaching out to more than one person at a time. I know that sounds odd, but it's the way I seem to act. It feels like more than one person to think about at one time is just too much for me.

This is odd behavior for a woman who as a professional, juggled numerous ongoing relationships and as an addict kept relationships with multiple men all the time.

But that's not even what I set out to write about. It just seems that I'm going through life these last couple of days with absolutely no direction. I know that I have not used the tool of making a list, and I guess that's what I am going to have to do, although whatever I put on the list will just be "stuff," and that still feels useless.

Someone suggested that I may be going through a hangover -- after the intensity of what I went through with my trip to visit my family and friends, I may just not be settled down again. That seems plausible, but I just want to say for the record -- I don't like it.


Anonymous said...

The pastor at church told me a story once. I had gone to thier Tuesday night elders meeting to seek help and he shared it.
He told of, suposedly a true story, of a woman who for most of her life had a large growth on her upper leg. She finally had it removed. She recovered quickly from the surgery, but it took her monthes to learn to walk correctly again without the growth on her leg.

Michael said...

I know my family leaves me feeling crazy - especially my mother.

Down in Sunny San Diego said...

Sometimes it doesn't even help to try to figure out why I'm feeeling the way I do when I'm in a funk. If I can be in the day and in the present-moment feelings, the reasons seems to surface on their own. One day at a time is a great way to walk, sometimes one breath at a time.

Just Be Real said...

Certainly relate, especially with what is happening in my life now. So much appreciate your honesty, thank you for sharing Rae.


Eli said...

I really have come to see that any change or growth (good or bad) just makes me uncomfortable. I'm trying to learn to just sit with it, and accept that since I'm not stagnant anymore, I won't have that feeling of numb inaction anymore. It's good, but hard.