Tuesday, July 14, 2009

And so it is

I feel sad today. The addiction has cost me another important friendship, one that has been valuable. I must accept that the friendship was God's gift to begin with, and the ending, God's will.

I became friends with a person in a 12-step fellowship, and in sharing with one another in the way that only 12-step friends do, we had become close ... and over the past few weeks, I have had to accept that the friendship had all the measures of an addictive charge. I looked for his e-mails endlessly. I got a charge when one arrived. I could not wait to see him and wanted to talk to him about everything.

In order to continue this journey toward wholeness, I had to be first honest with myself, then honest with others, including the person whose life I did not want to harm.

I was also honest with my therapist, who reminded me how important it is to make self-affirming statements. Playing the "poor me" game of deprivation, will only cause me to act out in one of my addictions, she said. "It's OK to be sad," she said. But it's not OK to eat it."

So, I affirm today that by setting healthy boundaries within this friendship, I am choosing to seek the best life available to me. I affirm my desire to live in accordance with the will of my Higher Power and I thank my Higher Power for the gift of a beautiful friendship that lasted only for a season and for the guidance that the season had ended and that new opportunities await.

One day at a time, I make progress. Just for today, I choose recovery.


BPD Guy said...

eating the sadness i eat my emotions all the time ... lol

i invited you to my private blog rae, hope it helps

vicariousrising said...

Rae, I so admire your strength and bravery. That is what you've got, in case you don't recognize it.

Michael said...

I had a relationship/friendship that I had to give up. I was sad and wish I had the maturity to grace as you. Thanks for sharing.

The Confessions of a porn Addict

Bernadine said...

This is so strong of you. I really applaud you for the courage you are showing-- the courage to face the truth.

Thanks for stopping in at my blog and your words of kindness. It means so much to have others who understand this pain, even if it's empathetic. It's more than I get from my sa husband.

I'm wishing you lots of self-care with this move, as well as your second step.

Enigma said...

Oh Rae! I agree with everyone that it was extremely courageous move on your part.  It’s never easy losing a friendship, especially one that was such a blessing at a pivotal time in your life.  ((HUGS))