How many ways can one woman write about honesty you ask? Let me count the ways.
My fellow blogger, Ken, over at My Sex Addiction, was recently tagged to write 10 honest things about himself. He chose not to tag anyone, but I chose to tag myself for this one ... because, after all, honesty is my favorite and most allusive pursuit. (Plus, I'm feeling a bit guilty for being so lax in posting here lately.)
So, here I go - 10 Completely Honest Things About Me
1. I'm currently procrastinating my work on Step 6 in SLAA for no reason that I can pinpoint other than I am a procrastinator.
2. Rae is not my real name and never was my nickname until I used it when I first started acting out online. Since then, I have also used it in recovery, and more recently when asked for my name for a waiting list at a restaurant.
3. I love country music, and my codependence sometimes lets me feel ashamed of that.
4. I sometimes worry that I'll never be better than I am now and I'm not happy with where I am now, even though it's light years ahead of where I was. It reminds me of the prayer, "I am not what I ought to be, I am not what I wish to be, But, by the grace of God, I am not what I used to be." In a recent prayer I said to God, "I don't like who I am right now." The response in my heart was, "Then accept yourself."
5. I miss the feeling of family and deeply desire to have people around me, yet I doubt I could stand it for half a day.
6. My house is filled with books I've never read, and quite a few I have no desire to read.
7. I still struggle with little white lies, that seem to help me manipulate others' opinions of me, or how much "flack" I hear from my husband.
8. I don't like to exercise, but I like the way it makes me feel.
9. I recently began to see how closely my compulsive overeating patterns are to my sexual acting out. I get the most pleasure from it when no one in my "real life" knows. I feel great shame afterward. I make pledge after pledge to stop and the next day I'm walking into the convenience store buying two king sized candy bars. And in most instances both forms of my disease are about "stuffing" my feelings, most usually feelings that I am never even consciously aware of.
10. I am afraid to reveal something that would disclose in some small way my real identity.
5 months ago