Wednesday, June 11, 2008

A few musings

OK, first of all, I think it's important to say that I am feeling lonely, tired, and overall like I don't matter to anyone in the world. I know this is not true ... but that's what I am feeling at this moment on a Wednesday afternoon.

I'm also thinking about an AA speaker I was listening to this afternoon on CD who was talking about the 7th Tradition in its context to daily life. The 12 &12 teach us to be self-sufficient through our own contributions. I've spent the past year or so balking at that tradition. I had always said I would not be dependent on a man's financial support, the way my mother was ... and look what I attracted to myself: an unwillingness and inability to find work. Sure, I've gotten a few little jobs here and there, but nothing that can truly show I'm self-sufficient. Also, I have not been very sufficient around the house either. I feel a lot of shame around my lack of energy and motivation to do anything.

The good news is I'm sober and I made it to two extra meetings this week, and have the willingness to go back. More good news is I finally finished the work that I've been putting off for months and I have a list of other things that I want to get caught up on. I am accepting of the fact that I might not get it all done today, but some of it is manageable and I know how to prioritize.

The bad news is my dog keeps releasing her silent but deadly gas into the air and is making it difficult for me to breathe and type at the same time.

So, with that I'll close ...


BizyLizy said...

Rae, I wish I could give you a hug. What I see you doing is working through your feelings & taking the necessary steps to feel better.

I see you balancing the good with the bad, moving forward. Balance is good, always.

As for your gassy pooch, well, sorry dear, you're on your own with that one (she says as she quickly leaves the room)


Anonymous said...

Hi Rae,

I just came across your blog on a google search for other people who have written about over-eating (food addiction) along with other addictions.

I'm just starting my journey to better health and have started to examine a lot of issues from my childhood, including the fact that my mother was a heavy drinker and addicted to nicotine (chain smoker) .... whereas I have chosen just food as my self destructive habit.

(Fortunately sex addiction is definitely NOT on my list having spent most of my life rejected).

Look forward to reading more about your journey.

Best wishes,