Friday, September 12, 2008

A day's difference

Two days ago I was feeling so sad, crying, hurting. I had picked up the bottle of love addiction I leave sitting on the table and taken a drink. That was supposedly easier than dealing with my feelings of self-doubt, fear and frustration surrounding continued struggles with concentration and self-discipline. Rather than accept my lack of perfection and give thanks for my assets and opportunities, I allowed myself to be pulled into a self-created, self-absorbed drama so that I could escape feelings of inadequacy.

Today, after proving to myself that while I might not be perfect, I am functional, worthwhile and loved. I am grateful this morning for some quiet time to read, to get some extra rest and to enjoy the gentle flow of life. I'm thankful that my life feels lighter and that I don't have to worry about getting what I need. I know my Higher Power will provide it to me.

4 comments:

soozey said...

i have enjoyed your blog as a former wife of a SA-seeing from the "other side" i guess, but the last post really woke me up to my own stuff...and I feel a little scared...I'm involved in a "casual" thing with a man that I would never let go "serious" but recognized all those things you listed about needing for someone to be madly in love, the obsession, how i want it to fill my life, the sadness and emptiness..thank you much for writing, you never know who you will help...

X. Hobbyist said...

Well you went through the kind of profound transition that I wish I could experience one day. Must be nice to feel that lightness of being, because lately I've been on the slow and heavy side.

thegentlepath said...

How amazing that you were able to put that bottle back down, knowing you were going to feel all that sadness and pain.

vicariousrising said...

It's incredible that you are now able to see how damaging the old behaviors are and that experiencing the self-doubt and fears is not nearly as bad for you. I know for me that has been a big revelation as well.