Today I have plans to act out ... to meet a married man for sex in a hotel. He seems very loving and sensual. Likely we'll enjoy each other. I don't feel the usual struggle. I know I'm wasting my time and this is time that I could be using to move forward. But I'm not. I'm where I am and I just want to have sex with strangers and numb the pain of being close to my stepfather who sexually abused me for 10 formative years of my life, the pain of moving back to a place I consider home and still feeling isolated because that's where my addiction takes me, the pain of ... who knows what. It's easier just to take a big ol toke from this weed I smoke -- sex.
These are my thoughts as I continue on this therapeutic journey through recovery from sex and love addiction, compulsive overeating and codependency, as well as the lifelong effects of childhood sexual abuse.
Click here to learn how I came into recovery.
PLEASE NOTE: This blog is not intended to represent anything but my own experience, strength, hope and struggles in recovery. I do not represent any particular fellowship or program of recovery. This is my journey and it is a very individual experience.