Saturday morning thinking

I continue to try to convince myself I am no longer an addict of the Internet, of sexual chat -- that I am simply a woman living a promiscous life and exploring her sexuality, finding refuge from her marriage, which she's not sure is lastable.

But as I just read over some very thoughtful commentary I wrote about a year ago ... I know that my mind continues to be overwhelmed with thoughts of the Internet, my chat partners, my sex partner. I see one step continuing to lead to another. (Even as I just typed, I signed on to my messenger service to make sure none of my contacts were on.) Yesterday I participated with J. in our first foursome. There is already a plan for a possible orgy.

Of course, I have no idea how J. feels about the experience because we didn't get a chance to talk and it's driving me crazy.