Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Life on the Road

After spending the first five hours of my workday stuck in the same spot in the middle of one of Pennsylvania's busiest interstates, I am finally at work. I left home at 6:30 a.m. and got to work at 11:50. You'd think I'd be pulling my hair out by now, but I'm not. I enjoyed sitting in the middle of highway where everything generally moves at 80 mph and feeling the quiet. I had some books in the car, including my Gentle Path through the Twelve Steps and Love is a Choice books. I also had my Writer magazine, and was prompted to write about my surroundings by an article I read in there. I enjoyed a conversation with an Asian truck driver who travels from Boston to the middle of PA each day and is on the road mainly 20 hours a day. My oldest brother was a long-haul trucker and I know the rough life these guys lead. I enjoyed watching three Hispanic truckers play a game with pennies, where they each took turns throwing the penny toward the median divider and whoever got closest to the edge collected all three pennies. Once you were out of pennies, you were out of the game. They laughed and cheered each other on. I laughed with them as they were playing just outside my car. I even contributed a penny to the game. They told me this was a game they used to play when they were kids. It made me feel good, and I think set the tone for my own mood, that they were not bitching and complaining about being on the road. They were just making the most of the time. I was very present during my whole time on the road. Even though as I woke up my head felt lost in circular thoughts, for five hours the world stopped and I enjoyed it. I'm thankful for that blessing.

One of the things I decided to do while working through the Gentle Path book was to start a focus group with some members of my face to face group are struggling through the same issues and are at about the same stage of recovery as I am. I contacted one of the guys from my group and he thought it was a great idea ... he was all for it. So, I think we will work together to get that started.

I've been living my life "in the middle" the past few days -- dealing with some irritations from my addict, but nothing overwhelming; dealing with some good feelings of my progress, but not over the top. Being in the middle is uncomfortable to me, because it's been a long time since I've been there -- if ever. But I have faith that I will begin to settle in if I don't get in my way, and if my HP's ready for that.

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